“It is what it is when it is.” As I look over in my bed sleeping next to me (yes, she still enjoys visiting me in the middle of the night) I hear, see, feel my daughter, Monica, now 18 and a half years old, breathing. Feels like a lifetime ago that I snuggled her in my arms with her apnea monitor in tow. Where is that women I was? Where is that little wondrous baby girl I marveled at and cared for so deeply? She is lying next to me, and yet I feel so detached from her.
Is there something wrong?
Have I become my own mom? The emotionally detached woman, I dreaded and swore I would never be. Or rather, have I just become what I never knew or understood until recently? – the natural loving process of separating one’s own identity from their children and vice versa – each holding an identity of self love, self worth, self motivation, self reliance, independence.
If I felt I had struggled to find my own identity or have my unique identity recognized as a child – does it make sense that my children would have a similar struggle? I have worked on these issues and lessons of changing patterns and the energy of those patterns for years. They felt stuck like glue in the core of my being.
“They felt stuck like glue in the core of my being”. How revealing, as my intestines often feel like they have been stuck like glue for years. We all have core beliefs based on our past experiences. You have a core belief(s) that you may or may not be aware of at this time. Frequently recognizing and changing the energy pattern of those beliefs appears crucial for survival and healthy evolution of our biology.
When I feel squeezed into tight spaces, I then reboot the energy of the internal chaos to co-create a new pattern of flow. Signal and then adjust what I let creep into and what I place within my bodymind!
Time to keep the crap flowing and stop feeding myself bullshit. How about you? You’ll know when it’s time for you. For me, time to acknowledge now a new understanding of childhood, motherhood, and Sharon-hood. Yes, I believe each has your own (insert your name_______ “hood)” to develop.
These lessons showed me it’s okay, in fact normal and necessary to have separate goals, dreams, needs, and most importantly individual soul purpose. The realization that whatever responsibility I took on for my children was given by God was transitional stewardship.
More than that soul and sole responsibility remains individual with an eye and heart on the collective. Family is a micro-collective as is your body, relationships, businesses, friendships, and other organizational groups.
Perhaps this is what others mean by transition, shifting from one way of seeing, thinking, believing about yourself and others to a new vantage point. It feels like climbing a mountain and looking out over the landscape now to see a whole new perspective.
I am beginning to fully appreciate the spiritual connectedness yet soul uniqueness of each individual. As I lovingly and compassionately observe and coach myself (yes, I find saying quietly whenever I feel uneasy “I love you Sharon, I love you Sharon” very helpful) to grow and allow my childrens’ growth to shine without me casting my own shadows over them.
And equally important if not more so, I stop casting fear and shadows over myself.
What a process this becomes! The process of ‘becoming’ is the gift of freedom God gives each of us. And each of us finds it, when we find it, regardless of age, race, creed, religion, sex, culture, or parental status.
I have found that in order to change the physical experience in the body, you must also change the pattern of energy of the experience as well as the thoughts, beliefs, feelings, emotions, and actions tied to it. How you do change the energy of it doesn’t matter as much as finding that changing it does make a huge difference to you and ultimately everyone and the matter around you.
What are you willing to do for you?
For those seeking new insight, strategies, and supportive guidance to change their energy patterns, schedule a complimentary 30 minute session with me today. www.rebootmyenergy.com.
Wishing you peace, health, and harmony,