I love action words (like renegotiate) …especially the ones that give us power to take back control of, what I like to call, our “secret operating agreements.”
What I mean by that is… on some level, particularly within close relationships, like those in families, people behave on a set of often unspoken agreements based on previous actions.
If you have done something more than once, in all likelihood those around you tend to expect you to always do that. Think about it for a minute, and I’m sure you’ll come up with a list of things you do or have done for a while
Yup, basically we condition people and our own identity by our actions.
And when you want it to be different in both your action and/or their expectations…well that’s when the poop can hit the fan or the resistance to the way things were can stir up issues for all parties involved.
If you are feeling me by now I’ll give you my example after I make this bold statement…
“When poop hits the fan, switch the on/off or speed button”.
I know I’m not a rocket scientist here, but the point is… sometimes we just need to be reminded there are switches and buttons that modulate how things work. When the fan shuts off… well, you get my drift LOL!
Seriously though, if poop is flying that’s the time you know for sure you need to RENEGOTIATE the terms of your secret operating agreements with others. I’m hopeful my share will encourage you to renegotiate sooner.
If your family is anything like mine, they’ve been well trained by your kindness, caring, generosity, strength, compassion and loving nature.
Actually that’s a good thing; they have been the beneficiaries of the good attributes you possess.
However, if it’s keeping you from going after what you want or actually implementing the changes you decided you were making or even fully embracing the ones you’ve already made and your family doesn’t fully understand or appreciate them yet…then it’s a problem that will require implementing some new action and initiating new conversations on your part.
Here are a few action tips to keep your momentum going and your grace and ease abundant:
- Make a personal declaration to commit to your continued efforts to have “this” (whatever “this” is for you). Use strong statements like “I’m doing this!”, “I want this!”, “I’m ready to have this in my life now!” “I deserve this!”, “This is important to me!”
- Write out a list of your ‘non-negotiables’. Decide what it is you really have to have now in your life and what it is you are willing to do and not do to have them. Be as specific as you can.
- Invite your family or partner to a “happy meeting.” Schedule a mutually agreeable time and explain the purpose of the time together will be to increase everyone’s happiness.
- Share your why and the importance of your declaration about what “this” is at the meeting. Ask them to let you know how they understand and if they are willing to really support you in this?
- With that yes, tell them you have a good plan for making it happen but first would love to hear their ideas about how they can support you in this.
- Listen with non-judgmental ears and you may hear their secret fears about how your change brings up their stuff.
- Allay their concerns with facts or provide alternatives if possible as long as they don’t contradict your non-negotiable list.
- Suggest your solutions to them based on your list and another happy meeting date for follow up.
- Align with the energy of your positive attitude and attributes and negotiate the new openly agreed upon terms.
- Remember as you move forward in your daily life, keep up your end of the new agreement. After all, it’s the one that will most influence the new secret operating agreement and your grace, ease and abundance.
If you are looking to go deeper in readjusting your beliefs and feelings, check out my Energy System Reboot Method Program.